Happy Mother’s Day.
(Women who are pregnant, breastfeeding or easily irritated should refrain from viewing the accompanying YouTube clip.)
As an internet mother, I have an inkling of how difficult it is to care for your children and to love each of them equally. We all have our favourites, but it’s best to keep this to ourselves and restrain ourselves from giving them the most food, the newest clothing, priority access to the washroom and the preferred seat in the minivan. Too much of this and the other children will suspect something. (Especially if they have to cook their own food, darn their own socks, sew their own clothes out of burlap and sleep in what used to be the coal bin.)
I know it seems like I’ve been neglecting you, but really, I’ve been showing you the best kind of love an internet mother/blogger/artist/activist can: the I’m-taking-a-little-break-and-you-can-fend-for-yourself kind of love. The kind of love that says, “Hey, so you cut your finger off opening the rusty old tuna can–so what! It builds character! It keeps you on your toes! It makes you more resourceful! You didn’t need all those fingers, and all that blood, anyway! And who said you could eat the tuna in the first place? Did you ask? Did I say yes–in writing??”
See? I’m putting you first. Because I care.
Besides, no news is good news: everything I was knitting before, I’m still knitting, in between bouts of medication-induced narcolepsy. (And I said these drugs weren’t any good for anything!)
I looked at some potentially enjoyable mother’s day videos but when I eliminated everything that was potentially offensive to someone (i.e. mothers), I was left with, um, nothing. I did miss Cinco de Mayo, however, that totally inauthentic but otherwise enjoyable celebration of the great contributions that Hispanics (a completely made-up word) have made to our lives. I present for you now a brief taste of the U.S.’s appreciation for Mexican-American and Latin American culture and arts. Enjoy, and as my many Spanish-speaking friends say, “No tengo ninguna enfermedades!”
6 comments May 11th, 2008
